The Gammon Mission

As predicted, the haggis was a disaster. Hanging him upside down, blindfolding myself and throwing handfuls of the stuff in his direction probably would have achieved better results in getting him to try some (it would have been a lot more fun, too. There’s only so much begging and bribing a mum can do in one day.) The mashed turnip was somewhat a success, but he did develop a new-found dislike for mashed potatoes which he has enjoyed eating for, say, three out of the four years that he’s been alive. So, today I am attempting a brand spanking new recipe. Well, preparation actually began last night in the aftermath of the bedtime battles, and the obligatory hot water bottle/night-light tantrum. So, technically it’s resulted in a two day cook-a-thon.

Honey and Orange Glazed Gammon Joint, with Sweet Potato Bubble and Squeak.

In theory, this recipe should be healthy and appealing to a child. Note: “in theory”. It has a good level of sweetness to the ham which should entice children (it’s made with honey and marmalade, small person, that’s all *kinds* of awesome to you) and the bubble and squeak has six kinds of vegetables boiled up and mashed together. Not to mention, it’s called ‘bubble and squeak’...they can’t not find that name fun...can they?

Nigella Lawson claims the best way to cook ham is by boiling it in a bottle of Coca-Cola. I've never tried ham after it’s been soaked in a pot of processed sugar, but after making the hideous mistake of giving my child some fizzy juice as a ‘treat’ over the weekend in town, the concept of such a recipe fills me with fear. Regardless of the science of the effects of cooking something in fizzy juice upon a child, I'm sure you would hesitate at the idea too if you had seen my child’s behaviour after a few sips of Coca-Cola on Sunday. Transformed into a crazed lunatic of energy, he didn't stop to even acknowledge running straight into a person in a wheelchair, a newborn’s buggy, a Claire’s Accessories shop window - before climbing upon a bench, trying to jump over a bin at the end of said bench, falling short, landing in the bin and, too high on sugar to cry at this point, sat stuck in a bin screaming about the injustice of the world until I yanked him out. So no, fizzy juice is currently banned for the time being.

This recipe is probably for someone who has a bit more time than I do, mind you. Currently racing home between University classes in an attempt to boil gammon, roast gammon, simmer gammon, dress gammon, and stuff it full of these little clove things I've never used before...thankfully I got all the vegetables for the bubble and squeak chopped up last night. No easy task when you consider I was chopping up every tough root vegetable known to mankind, with cheap knives from Home Bargains. There was a few frightening moments where I nearly cut my fingers alongside the parsnip, and a chunk of the sweet potato did nearly take my eye out, but I'm currently still alive to tell the tale. And I now have a casserole dish full of colourful, healthy vegetables just waiting to be boiled and mashed tonight. Fingers crossed.