After the two day cook-a-thon of the prior mentioned ham, I gave up on the extravagant side of experimental meals for a while. Hours upon hours I cooked that goddamn ham; basting it, roasting it, loving it. It was inedible in the end. I’m not entirely convinced that I am an awful cook (no matter what my child would have you believe) but even I couldn’t force myself to eat the sickly sweet horror of that ham. Offspring’s reaction to it was determined when he mouthed the words that no child has ever mouthed before, “I can’t eat that. It’s way too sweet.” The root vegetable Bubble and Squeak was also a disgusting disappointment. Don’t believe a recipe that tells you to mash up many coloured veg’ then fry it like it was an egg, even if it does have four star reviews beside it. It just doesn’t work.
That recipe cost me a fortune at a time when I had very little money, and being heavily disappointed with the amount of food I had to throw out afterwards (and the chore of cleaning melted marmalade and honey from every surface the kitchen has), I found myself falling back into a play-it-safe routine of spaghetti bolognese and potato based freezer products. However, last night there was a small breakthrough in the norm…I constructed a meal off the top of my head that offspring had never tried before, and a miracle occurred: he actually liked it. (Mostly).
Chicken breasts. A standard and boring product of the British diet, yes, but fairly versatile when it comes to recipes. However when it comes to the pallette of children, chicken versatility doesn’t extend very far. I might have had a small mental break at the prospect of another chicken curry from a jar or another ‘Fail-Safe Fajita’ (see previous entry), so I decided that I was going to do something even if just a little different and offspring was going to try it. Automatically, hell on earth began.
“I will not eat anything that I have never tried before! I won’t DO it, mummy! In fact, I won’t eat anything at all for tea! Unless it’s ice cream...”
I ignored the small voice of attitude shouting through from the living room as he rolled around the floor in his pants, making demands like his opinion actually mattered to me. I searched the fridge and cupboards and chopped up everything I could find; chicken breasts, peppers, red onions, carrots, tomatoes, potatoes and lemons. I chucked them all in a roasting tin, drizzled them with olive oil, seasoned them with oregano and threw on some sprigs of thyme. I roasted them for a while, then I bathed them in chicken stock and roasted them further. Easy, safe, not too out there. Yet every time the oven opened, the head of the Attitude Child appeared round the door in order to remind me that he wouldn't be eating any of this and just reiterating how little he thought of me for cooking such atrocity.
I served it up with garlic bread which was also a risk, believe it or not. About a year ago, offspring had broken off his happy relationship with garlic bread for reasons only he knew, but the other day he had stopped, mesmerized, to stare at some garlic bread in a Tesco fridge window that was in a different shape from the usual baguette that we normally buy, in that, it was being sold in slices. This amazed him and he swore that he was going to eat this new mind-shattering style of garlic bread.
He eyed the roasted chicken and vegetable dish suspiciously when it was served as he nibbled on his (re-established favourite food of) garlic bread, but then he slowly picked up some chicken and licked it. When that didn’t melt his tongue or make him vomit across the table, he started eating it. Then he moved onto the peppers. Then the tomatoes. The carrots got spat straight back out onto the plate, I didn’t even bother giving him red onions, and he continued his hatred of any potato that isn’t made by his father, but eventually everything else was cleared off his plate. “That was so yummy. Oh my gosh, that was actually really yummy,” he announced in (quite frankly, annoying) surprise. The next night he actively asked for the same tea again, of which I was happy to oblige considering the amount of leftovers, and now I am motivated again to try a few more meals! Hallelujah!
Things added to offspring’s likes: roasted vegetables, garlic bread that is sliced.
Things added to offspring’s dislikes: roasted carrots, potatoes not made by his father, any other kind of garlic bread
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